When situations arise, good or bad, we hold power. On one hand we can react; on the other hand we can respond.
You are checking out at the grocery store and the clerk is being rude. You can react or respond.
You have told your toddler multiple times to stop throwing a toy, yet the toy sails across the room again. You can react or respond.
Your husband continually shows up late from work. You can react or respond.
Your coworker ate your lunch from the breakroom. You can react or respond.
Your teen hasn't taken out the trash even though you've told him several times. You can react or respond.
Reacting is using our emotions. We let anger, frustration, and hurt dictate what we do and say in the situation.
Responding is using our reasoning. Responding is more thought out, carefully choosing our words and navigating the situation with care.
By this everyone will know that you are
My disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:35
The Bible tells us to act in love. It even tells us that by acting in love, people will know we walk with God. Reacting is rarely done in love, as we said, it is a product of our emotions. Let's look at those five situations again with a reaction and a response.
You are checking out at the grocery store and the clerk is being rude. Reacting: getting snippy back, maybe even telling the clerk off. Responding: understand the clerk may be reacting herself from a hard day or customers being rude to her, or maybe she is going through a difficult situation at home so you smile and say God bless.
You have told your toddler multiple times to stop throwing a toy, yet the toy sails across the room again. Reacting: yelling at your child and ripping the toy away. Responding: explaining why it is important to listen to mom and issuing a punishment like taking the toy away for the rest of the day.
Your husband continually shows up late from work. Reacting: giving him the silent treatment or screaming at him for being late again. Responding: thanking him for working and asking him to please give you a call when he will be late so that you can prepare accordingly.
Your coworker ate your lunch from the breakroom. Reacting: yelling or even gossiping about the coworker. Responding: making sure your name is clearly on your lunch and asking the coworker to not take your food.
Your teen hasn't taken out the trash even though you've told him several times. Reacting: yelling at your teen and calling them lazy. Responding: telling your teen that as a part of the family they need to help out and possibly taking away something like a phone or party.
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
See the difference in each scenario? Reacting comes from the anger and hurt and will only cause more anger and hurt. Whereas responding shows the love of God and turns away wrath. It often will help get to the root of the issue.
The next time you are faced with a situation, pause, breathe a quick prayer, and respond with the love of God.
Discussion:
1. Do you respond to situations or automatically jump to reaction?
2. Even when we respond to situations and do and say all the right things, sometimes the other person may still react in a harsh or rude way. This is when we must keep our cool and not jump to a reaction. We are not in control of how they act, we only have power over our actions.
1. Do you respond to situations or automatically jump to reaction?
2. Even when we respond to situations and do and say all the right things, sometimes the other person may still react in a harsh or rude way. This is when we must keep our cool and not jump to a reaction. We are not in control of how they act, we only have power over our actions.
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