The Blame Game: The Game No One Win

By: Lauren Thomas

Recently, I started playing a game. I played because I thought I could win. But there are no winners in the blame game.

The blame game began in Eden. In Genesis 3, Adam blamed Eve for his disobedience. And Eve blamed the Serpent. We still play that game today, believing we’ll win.

 

Why do we blame? We engage in blame when we feel uncomfortable. We blame to shift our discomfort.

 

Let me give you a fictional example. You woke up early and are groggily making your way to the kitchen to start some coffee. On the way, you trip on a small toy. Once you switch on the light, you see a trail of toys that did not get put away the night before. You also see that the dishwasher did not run overnight. Which means you must hand-wash some items before breakfast. Oh, and look. The last of the coffee has been used. You get angry, feel disappointed. So, you immediately look for a target, someone to blame. If the kids weren’t such slobs, if they were more obedient, you wouldn’t have tripped. If you hadn’t been distracted with (fill-in-the-blank) situations, the dishwasher would have been started last night. If the last person to make coffee had remembered to buy more, you could be enjoying your caffeine. Be it spouse, or children, or situation, you shift your discomfort to a target. It’s “their” fault. You feel some [un-]“righteous anger” and can deal. For a while.

 

There are a cascade of problems that result from blame. 

1. We become bitter toward others, which is harmful to those around us (Hebrews 12:15). 
2. We abdicate fault, claiming our own righteousness in the situation. 
3. In order to play the game, we must forfeit our personal responsibility. 
4. This makes us victims of our circumstances, or victims of other people’s choices, or victims of our pasts.

Before long, we become victims, even to sin, rather than understanding that we are also participants in sin. If we do not acknowledge that we are sinners, we cannot receive grace.

 

 I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

Luke 5:32 ESV

 

Surely He scorns the scornful,
But gives grace to the humble.

Proverbs 3:34 NKJV

 

Let’s be done playing the blame game. Let’s instead accept the discomfort, accept responsibility. Let’s become receivers of grace, rather than abdicators of fault. Let’s win by humbling ourselves.

 

Reflection:

Think of an example in which you blamed someone. What would have been different had you accepted responsibility for your fault? What impact did blaming have on your relationship with God?