"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
If you're anything like me, friend, chances are you had a picture in your mind before you had children of what kind of mom you would be. My picture included characteristics like:
• I would never be impatient with my kids.
• I would get down on the floor with them for hours at a time and play my little heart away.
• I would take my kids to the park regularly.
• We would spend hours on the couch reading books (between the hours playing and the hours reading, I had my full day planned out, whew!).
• I would never be selfish.
• and the list went on....
And then what happened? I became a mom. And all that went out the window. Replacing that dreamy list were the realities that:
• I did lose my patience with my kids....often!
• I have a tendency to focus on my to-do list more than I do having intentional play time with my kids each day.
• When we got our kids a playground for our back yard, I rejoiced because that meant (to me, at least!) that I don't have to take them to the park all that often!
• I do read to them but most of the time it's only during certain moments of the day - during school time when we go through her read aloud of the week and before bed time. There is no reading for hours on the couch (though I do still dream of making that a reality!).
• I am selfish just about 24/7. Let's just say it's a constant battle and a constant intentional choice that I have to make to be willing to die to myself.
I bet you can guess what quickly follows each time I do one of the things on the second list instead of the things on the first one. You guessed it - I beat myself up, fall prey to mommy guilt, and begin comparing myself to that perfect Pinterest mom out there (as if she really exists!).
As I pondered all of this one day, going over in my mind my seemingly endless struggles in these areas, the common feelings of guilt, the frequent desire to be a "perfect" mom, I realized something: I had completely forgotten and failed to grasp the full implications of the gospel. Oh, I would have said I knew the truths of the good news of the gospel like the back of my hand - I was raised in a Christian home, my birth was announced by our pastor from the baptistry the Sunday I was born, I was in Bible drill and children's choir, went on mission trips with the youth group, and more. I knew the gospel. But I hadn't made the connection between the truths of the gospel as they were in my head and my everyday life as a mom.
You see, sweet friend, the good news of the gospel is so incredibly relevant to your days as a mom. I want you to grasp that down deep in your toes, ok? I even want you to repeat this after me (that's how important this is to understand!): the good news of the gospel and who I am in Christ applies even when I feel like a horrible mom. Seriously! Say it out loud!
As pervasive as mom guilt is, as much as we fall short of the man-made (not God-made - the Lord does not expect this of us!) vision of the "perfect" mom, there is no place in the life of the believer for guilt and self-condemnation. None. How do I know that? Journey with me to the pages of Romans 7 and 8 real quick and discover how our old buddy, Paul, felt with these same sin struggles himself and what he had to say about them in light of the gospel!
At the end of Romans 7, Paul is lamenting the daily struggle with sin that he still experiences even now as a follower of Christ (hey, let's face it - if Adam and Eve fell even in the midst of a perfect relationship with God and sinlessness on their part, who are we to be shocked when we still sin?? We do have sin natures, after all!). In verses 15-20, Paul writes, "For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me."
I don't know about you, but I can sure relate to Paul's struggle here! I know I shouldn't be an impatient, selfish jerk to my kiddos, but too often I am. I know I shouldn't demand my own way, but oftentimes I do. Can you relate? If so, I have some really, really good news for you!
Check out what Paul says immediately after he talks about his sin struggles: "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). None. Zilch. Nada. Not one bit of condemnation on you who are in Christ. Paul doesn't say there's no condemnation on your "good" days. He doesn't say there is no condemnation if your good outweighs your bad on any given day. That's not Christianity. He says, pointblank, that there is no condemnation for the people of God at all. Paul doesn't say this right after saying that he is perfect and never struggles with sin, and so there is of course no condemnation. No, he says it immediately after he is openly and vulnerably sharing about his ongoing, daily sin struggles. It is then that he says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Can we just shout "Praise the Lord!" right about now??
That, my dear sister, is why I say this whole "perfect mom" pursuit, this whole mommy guilt epidemic, has no place in the life of the Christian mom. It is absolutely antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There's no better news for us mamas than that, is there?
Real quick before we end our time together today, I want to leave you with a little story of something that happened a several years ago. I know it can be easy to feel like you are ruining your children when you struggle with mommy anger, selfishness, and the like. But I want to encourage you with this truth: the Lord redeems those times in amazing, amazing ways and can cause them to be a more tangible, powerful picture of the gospel for your kids than any other moment could be. Your children can sometimes learn more about their need for the Lord, God's amazing grace, and the implications of the gospel during times when you blow it than when all is going well, you're reading the Word with them, and not really struggling with any visible sin issues at all. Allow me to illustrate an example of this for you:
One day when my firstborn was 3, I can only assume she and I both woke up on the very wrong side of the bed. From morning 'til afternoon, we went through this vicious cycle of mommy yelling at Anna, Anna yelling at mommy, mommy apologizing and asking for forgiveness, mommy praying with Anna and asking Jesus for the strength to be kind and gracious, and then starting back all over again right where we started with mommy yelling yet again. By the afternoon I was about at my wit's end wondering, Am I ever going to get it together today?? What's wrong with me?
In that moment, the most amazing thing happened. I went to Anna, again telling her that mommy was going to pray with her and ask Jesus for forgiveness and strength. She responded with, "I'm gonna pray." I said, "Ok, baby" as she took my hand and prayed these words:
"Dear Jesus, thank You that You forgive mommy even when she's not very nice."
And at that moment I about fell off her bed where I was sitting. It hit me in that moment as I was going back and forth between speechlessness and wanting to burst into humble, grateful tears: she's getting it!! She may only have been 3, and sometimes I still wonder if what I tell her about the Lord is just going in one ear and out the other, but that day (on what I thought was an awful mess of a day that needed to be quickly forgotten and moved past!) the Lord redeemed the awful moments and brought the good out of them (Romans 8:28, friends!) that was this realization: she is listening when I share God's truth with her. It is seeping down into her heart, and she is beginning to understand and grasp it. And I couldn't be more grateful for the Lord using what otherwise was an awful day to show me that my little girl is starting to embrace and understand the good news of the gospel for herself.
Here's what I want to leave you with today, sweet friend - remember this: God never asked you to be a perfect mom. He merely asked you to point your kids to a Perfect Savior.
Questions for reflection:
1. Do you believe the lie that you have to be a perfect mom? How has that played out in your life?
2. Do you struggle with mommy guilt a lot? How does that manifest itself and what are the consequences of it in both your thoughts and your actions?
3. How do 1 John 2:1 ("My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."), 1 John 4:17 (" Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world."), Hebrews 4:16 ("Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."), and Hebrews 10:14 ("For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.") help you to find solace, comfort, and a Biblical perspective in this mommy guilt/perfectionism struggle?
4. How is the truth you have studied today going to change your life as a mom? Which mommy friend will you share it with today?
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for stopping by, we love hearing from you. Please feel free to contact us with any prayer requests or questions by commenting below or emailing us at the About Us page.