Freedom in Motherhood

 By: Rebekah Hargraves

Photo Courtesy of: Thiago Cerqueira

"For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery." ~Galatians 5:1

I have really enjoyed traveling with you, friend, through the first couple weeks of this new series on motherhood, but I have to say that I think I am most excited and passionate about the topic of today's portion, because I am incredibly passionate about exposing the problem of the mommy wars in the church and how they completely go against the truths of God's Word. 

One aspect of the mommy war culture that especially rubs me the wrong way is the way in which it heaps burden upon burden upon burden of "must-dos" upon the shoulders of mamas everywhere:

• You must breastfeed.

• You must co-sleep (or sleep train in a crib, depending on who exactly is advising you!).

• You must make sure to not turn your child's car seat around until they are at least 3.

• You must vaccinate your children (or you must not, again depending on who is speaking to you). 

• You must homeschool your children.

• You must feed your children all-organic food, implement nothing but baby-led weaning, and for heaven's sake make sure that you don't introduce them to solids until they are at least 8 months.

• You must discipline in *this* way.

• You must teach your babies sign language and play them classical music.

• You must limit screen time to 20 minutes a day.

• You must be sure to get down on the floor to play with your children at least an hour a day.

• You must feed on demand, not according to a schedule (or vice versa!)

• You must not do anything but the work of homemaking for any reason or, if you do, make sure it's limited to "x" number of hours per week.

• You must serve three all-homemade and from-scratch meals a day.

• And the list of "musts" goes on.......

You know what I have come to discover? This list from mommy culture is countless times longer than the list of instructions the Lord Himself actually gives us.

Compare the list above (a list, I might add, which stifles you and your own unique personality, family dynamics, beliefs, and standards) to the list that is actually from the Word of God:

• You are to "train up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6).

• You are to "teach them (God's words) diligently to your children" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

• You are to "discipline [your children] promptly" (Proverbs 13:24).

• You are to "not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).

That's it! That's seriously it. No ten step program, no one-size-fits-all method, no detailed instructions as to how exactly you are to implement each of the above roles and responsibilities, none of that. You are given the freedom by our caring, compassionate, tender, freedom-loving God (see John 8:32 and Galatians 5:1) to implement each of the above instructions in the way(s) that best suits your season of life, your personality, your unique children, your needs, and your family dynamics. Isn't that amazing? Why then are we allowing the mommy war culture to guilt us in believing anything different (especially when guilt has no place in the life of the Christian!)?

So, friend, let it go (are any of you mamas hearing that infamous song from Frozen running through your head yet?). Let the expectations heaped upon you by the mommy culture, your mother-in-law, your sister, your best friend, even your church, go. Be kind, be respectful, implement the advice you can, sure. But if any of it simply does not line up with your God-given conscience or what you believe God has called your family to do, then let it go and don't waste even thirty seconds feeling guilty about it. It isn't what God desires for you, so it's ok to reject it and walk in the amazing freedom God desires for you to have (can we say #nomoremommywars??). How amazing is that grace! 

Questions for reflection:

1. How have the mommy wars affected you personally? In what area do you struggle with them the most?

2. How have you been a "mommy warrior" yourself, believing a certain topic to be your way or the highway? Have you repented of that?

3. How could heeding the words of 1 Peter 3:8-9, "Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing." change the current course of the mommy wars in our day?

4. Romans 12:4-5 says, "For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another." 1 Corinthians 12 teaches this same message. How does mommy warring go against this design of God for His people?