Ashamed and Doubtful

 By: Grace Metzger 

The father of the child cried out and said,
 "I believe; help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24 CSB

When I was sixteen my faith got very shaken, I went from a child who had a childlike trust and faith in God, to a teenager who felt like they've been abandoned and discarded by God. This was something that I was not proud of for so many reason. My parents were pastors, I grew up in a Christian household, I was even a Sunday school teacher! How could I tell people that I was struggling and having doubts with my faith when I felt like I had to fit into a mold of a perfect Christian? 

As I got older I was able to grow in my faith and lose the doubts that clouded my teenager years, but the shame that I had during that time grew worst. I felt ashamed that I ever struggled in my faith, that I doubted God's love for me, that I never reached out to anyone during these times of struggles. Those years are still a hard topic for me to discuss because of the shame and guilt that clouds that time of my life. 

Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you

have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.

Genesis 32:28 ESV

Recently my pastor had a sermon he titled, "Don't let go. Don't give up." He spoke about being persistence in faith. During this sermon, he mentioned the story of Jacob. In Genesis 32 Jacob was alone and an unnamed man came and wrestled with him until daybreak. During this time the unnamed man blessed Jacob and renamed him, for he struggled with God and with men and he has prevailed. There is much discussion about who this unnamed man is, but some Bible versions say that this man is the Angel of the Lord. I stuck onto this story when I heard my pastor talking about it. This isn't my first time hearing this story, but it was the first time I actually allowed myself to listen to it. The Angel of the Lord just confirmed that Jacob struggled not only with men but with God as well. My brain jumps to the idea that God would have struck him down, abandoned him, or at the least scolded Jacob for doubting him. Instead Jacob got blessed for his struggle!

But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to

Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?"

Exodus 3:11 CSB

The more I looked into the more I see these great people in the Bible who we consider strong believers having moments of doubt, fear, and questioning. That didn't make God stop loving them and that didn't stop Him from using them in incredible ways. 

Doubt isn't something we should try to keep in our lives, but that doesn't mean it's something we have to hide from others. I can't help but think how much quicker and easier I could have worked though my doubt if I just opened up to my fellow believes. If I just worked through it with God on my side rather then running from Him. One definition of doubt is fear; fear is a powerful tool that the devil uses to control us. But how do you remove fear? You remove it with spending time in God's Word, you remove by allowing other believers to help you, you remove it by doing the things that remind you of how great God's love is. Replace your doubts and fear with acts of love and worship towards God!

Discussion Question: Was there a time in your life where you struggled in your faith?