What Your Pastor's Wife Needs From You

By: Jenifer Metzger

Pastor's wives. The First Lady of the church. The mother of the church. They are special. They have a calling on their lives just as much as their husband, the pastor, does and they need us.

I come from a family of pastors. My mom is a lead pastor at her church. My husband has been a children's pastor, an associate pastor, and is now a ministry associate at our church. I have served alongside my husband as children's pastor as well as been a children's pastor myself when he stepped into role of associate pastor. I've also served on some incredible ministry teams with amazing women.

Today I want to share ways you can come along side your pastor's wife and help her. 

Pray for her. She needs your fervent and intentional prayers. Pray over her ministry, her family, her health, her mental state, her relationships, her finances, her marriage, her joy, pray over every area that comes to mind as you lift her to Jesus. She needs your prayers.

Offer a helping hand. So often people assume the pastor and his wife will take care of everything. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard phrases like, "They do nothing all day, they can do it." That is far from the truth. If your pastor's wife is the church secretary, ask if you can stop by and help with any office work for an afternoon. If she cleans the church, offer to help with the cleaning. If she has little ones, offer your babysitting services so she can have a free day. If you know she's had a busy week, offer to bring a meal for her family. She needs your help.

Don't assume roles. For many years in many churches, the pastor's wife was the one who played the piano or lead the women's ministry or was the office secretary. It was just assumed they would fill these roles. But that isn't always the case. Maybe her calling is different. Don't assume she will fill a traditional "pastor's wife role." She needs you to accept her even if she doesn't fill a traditional role.

Don't gossip. Every year while attending a conference for pastor's wives, I would hear different women tell stories of walking around the corner and hearing someone gossip about her, her husband, her family, or others in the church. She would be heartbroken. Gossip should never be on our lips, it tears down people and it tears down churches. And if you hear others gossiping, be bold and put an end to it. She needs you to not gossip.

Be faithful to the church. She loves you and she cares deeply about you and your relationship with God. When you miss church, she misses you. Be faithful to your church and if for some reason you have to miss, such as you're sick or out of town, give her a call and let her know. She needs you to be faithful.

Respect her time. Our pastors and their wives are often "on call" 24/7. They rarely get time away. People stop by the church office and even stop by their homes often. Their phones ring off the hook with calls and texts all day and all night. Most pastors and their wives will say this is okay, they want to serve their flock and be available. But the truth is, we still need to respect their time. If your call or text can wait, let their family have a meal or quiet evening without interruption and connect with them during office or church hours. She needs you to respect her time.

Show your appreciation. Your pastor's wife cares deeply for the church family and works hard. Whether she is in the office or not, whether she leads a ministry or not, whether you see what she does or not, she is working hard. Be intentional with thanking her for what she does. She needs your gratitude.

Offer her grace. Just like you, she is human. She will mess up. She may show up exhausted and a little cranky. She may forget something you've already told her. She may forget to do something you've asked her to. She may forget your birthday. She may not get to say hi and shake your hand one Sunday. She needs your grace.

Our pastor's wives are wonderful ladies who are filling a blessed, beautiful, and hard role as they walk along side their husband to shepherd the flock God has called them to. We need to be women who stand beside them and help them.

Discussion:
1. What can you do this week to help your pastor's wife?
2. How can you be intentional with praying over your pastor's wife?
3. What would you add to this list to help our pastor's wife?