Grieving Silent Anniversaries During the Holidays

 

By: Sarah Geringer

And provide for those who grieve in Zion— 

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy instead of mourning, 

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness, 

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:3 NIV

Today is a silent anniversary for me. It was a special day for many years, and now it is a day of deep grief.

Maybe you have silent anniversaries during the holidays too. Days that were once filled with joy, but now fill you with heartache. Remembrances of birthdays, gatherings, or other celebrations that were happy, but now feel heavy due to the loss of relationship through breakups, divorce, or death.

Many of us suffer in silence because we don't want to dampen the holiday spirit for others. So we cry into our pillows at night or push away sudden tears behind the wheel. We shut the door of the bathroom or bedroom and stifle our sobs in our sleeves.

As a trained Stephen Minister, I have learned that holidays can be so hard when we're grieving. Though I've received that training and am currently seeing a counselor myself, that doesn't take away my grief on this silent anniversary and the others to come.

However, this verse from Isaiah can give us great hope and comfort while we grieve our silent anniversaries during the holidays. 

Are you grieving a silent anniversary during the holiday season? Here's encouragement for you.
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Let's break this scripture down:

And provide for those who grieve in Zion— 

God accepts the fact we are grieving. His people were grieving so many losses in exile from their homeland. God did not tell them to stop grieving - he knew it was necessary for their healing. In order to heal, you must go through the actions of grief rather than repressing them. 

Today, I'm letting myself feel the full range of grieving emotions as they come - denial, bargaining, sadness, anger, and acceptance. I know that by embracing them rather than suppressing them, I'll feel better after the moments of grief finally pass. You will feel better too if you decide to let your grief take its own course.

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy instead of mourning, 

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

God will replace our grief with his glory. Grief can make you shortsighted. You may think that your pain will never end. But this verse promises that a time is coming, perhaps sooner than we think, when our grief will be replaced with what is better. When we allow ourselves to grieve, we will glorify God with our honest responses. 

As I wrote in last week's devotion, I already have great reasons to rejoice. My long, difficult season of sorrow has partially ended, and I'm so very grateful. Yet I still need to grieve that things aren't the way they should be, and didn't turn out the way I wanted. I need to do that today rather than cocooning myself in denial, so I'm one step further along on the road to full acceptance. You can find hope knowing that God will replace your grief with his glory.

They will be called oaks of righteousness, 

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

This is one of the most hopeful parts of the verse. In my new book, I have a chapter devoted to the stately white oak tree in my woods. This tree stands tall and strong no matter the weather. It arches gracefully over the road, unconcerned about the bitterly cold northern winds. Its majesty reminds me of God's unchanging character throughout every season.

Someday, I want to see myself as an oak of righteousness. Today is a day of ashes, mourning, and sorrow. But in the days ahead, after my season of silent anniversaries in the second round of grief is over, I know that God will help me stand tall and strong over all the bad that is happened, and praise him with a new song. May you feel the strength of this promise in your own season of grief.

I pray that if you are grieving silent anniversaries during the holidays, this devotion encouraged you today. If you want me to pray for you, reach out to me HERE.

 

Blessings and God's peace to you,

Sarah Geringer 

Finding Peace in God's Word

Photo from Canva.com

 

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Reflection questions:

1. When have you struggled with a silent anniversary in the past?

2. How might this scripture or another scripture help you handle grief during the holidays?

 

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.