When You're Facing Death

  By: Shari A. Miller

Every morning for the past 10 years, as I've opened my tired eyes,  I've stared death in the face. 

And it's been each and every morning that I've wished death would walk away, because to be honest.... I'm really getting tired of looking at it day in and day out. That's what happens when you have metastatic breast cancer, or any other type of fatal disease.  

At times, it's not an easy burden to bear. Many a tear has been shed, the question of why has been asked a thousand times. Pain has wracked my body, making it difficult to walk and at times even hard to get out of bed. 

If you're facing a life threatening illness you may know what I'm talking about. Even if you have a friend or loved one that's walking down this road you may have an idea of where I'm coming from.

At times I feel very lonely walking this road. Oh my friends and family support me and pray for me. My sweet husband will do just about anything I ask in order to make me happy or more comfortable, as will my son and daughter. However, they just don't know what it's like to be the one who is dying and I pray they never will.  

I'll be really real and honest with you now.....

There have been times when I have been mad at God. Mad because no matter how hard I pray....He just hasn't healed me yet. But, you know what, I think God understands this.

It was his own Son that prayed in the garden of Gethsemane,

"And going a little father he fell on his face and prayed saying, "My Father, if it be possible,  let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."  Matthew 26:39

His own Son had to face the hardest road of all, that of imminent death. His own Son in human form knew the sorrows that we face as He faced them Himself.  God knows the sorrows and the fears we face. He understands our every tear and our every desperate cry to Him.

I have found that the key to not letting this situation overcome me is making sure that my faith is greater than my fear. 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

Yes, the times will still be hard, yes there are times when I'll still question and get angry. However, when it really comes down to it my faith in God is bigger than all that.

Through it all do I think that God can still heal me? Absolutely? If you're in this situation can He heal you too? Of course! He is in the business of doing miracles everyday. Until then, I will look death in that face and say, "Not today!" Today I will rise up from my burdens and I will serve my risen King each and every day! I will follow His call and obey Him through the darkest of storms. Through it all I will have this sickness mean something. I will talk about His goodness and share with others what a wonderful Savior He truly is. When I decide to live this way, the burdens are lifted just a bit and light overtakes my soul while I'm choosing to live in each moment glorifying my Savior.

Just like Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, it's time for me, and all of us to rise up from the chains of death and serve our Lord and King. Don't let the enemy win friends, align with the Lord and follow His will today.