Living the Crucified Life

by Elizabeth Stewart

5 Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]

6 Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God possessing the fullness of the attributes which make God God], did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained,

7 But stripped Himself [of all privileges and rightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being.

8 And after He had appeared in human form, He abased and humbled Himself [still further] and carried His obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross! Philippians 2:5-8 AMPC

When our now eleven year old granddaughter was three years old she said to me, “Jesus is God!" I was amazed that she already had the most basic fundamental truth of Christianity in her little mind and heart. She used to love to play with these little wooden crosses that I have in a side table drawer at my house and she would talk about Jesus dying on the cross. One day she put a cross up to my husband’s forehead and she said, “Papa, you die on the cross." I remember how her words stirred something in my heart. She had made me realize that I had stopped asking God to help me live the crucified life. The truth is, I had stopped because He had answered me. God allowed us to go through the wilderness, through the testing, through the fire, though loss and pain and betrayal. It was a very long, very difficult season that I never wanted to go through again.

The truth is, I think I’m sacrificing, living the crucified life, when God prompts me to put money in the offering that I’ve saved for something else or when I spend my time helping or serving someone instead of doing something else that I’d rather be doing. But the path of death to self is a lot more painful than a few sacrifices I choose to make-sacrifices that, in truth, hurt very little. Living the crucified life, a life lived with self rights surrendered completely to God, is living with Jesus as my example. It's saying yes to God when He tells me to keep loving someone who is unloveable. It's saying no to the natural instinct to defend myself when falsely accused. It's choosing to trust God for justice and vengeance when I've been mistreated instead of plotting my own revenge. It's choosing God's will over what I want no matter how loudly the voice within screams, "I want my own way!"

During that long wilderness season, (otherwise know as our "Job season"), I saw the truth about how ugly my own heart could be. I used to read the scripture, "there is no one good, no not one" and my arrogant little inner voice would whisper, "except you." You see, I'd loved Jesus for as long as I could remember and had always wanted to please Him. But, in answer to my prayer to help me live the crucified life, He had to show me the truth about myself and how ugly my heart could be. We went through false accusation and I saw what an idol I had made of looking good in the eyes of man, of having a good reputation. We had no power to defend ourselves and I wanted to rant and rave, to be self-defensive and to tear down those who were hurting us. We were hurt and betrayed and I saw how easy it was to hold onto hurt and pain and unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and hatred. We lost our financial security and I saw how much I trusted in money instead of in God. I saw the whole ugly truth that what I really wanted was to pray that God would help me to live the crucified life, but I didn't want Him to take me up on it. I didn't want to live the crucified life. I wanted to live a happy ever after life of getting my own way and things always working out.

Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, and one of my heroes wrote:

If I hold on to choices of any kind, just because they are my choices..

if I give more room to my private likes and dislikes…

if I am soft on myself and slide easily and comfortable into the vice of self-pity and eliciting sympathy…

if I do not, by the grace of God, build a fortress around my inner man to protect it from my own soulishness…

if the praise of others elates me…

if the blame of others depresses me…

if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself…

if I love to be loved, more than to give love…

if I love to be served, more than serving…

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That long "Job season" was almost two decades ago. Hindsight is such a blessing. I can see now that, like Joseph of old (read Genesis 35-47), that what the enemy meant for evil in our lives God meant for good. Every blessing I see around me now has grown from seeds God planted in our lives during the years that all we could see around us were failure and loss and heartache and devastation. Now, I realize that living the crucified life is less about a prayer I used to pray and  more about waking up each morning deliberately yielding and surrendering myself completely to God and His will for that day. My heart, without Jesus, is wicked and deceitful. I will always choose self over sacrifice if left to my own devices. I know nothing of Calvary love except for one thing. I know that love Himself died there on Calvary for me. I know that He took my sin and selfishness and nailed it to the cross and gave me His righteousness in exchange. And now, daily, I can live the crucified life. I can live surrendered and yielded to my Father God with Jesus as my example. I can live a life of Calvary love, because of Jesus' forgiveness and enabling grace and because His Spirt lives in me and strengthens, transforms and empowers me to follow in His steps.

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