By: Sarah Geringer
Last year I transitioned to working from home
full-time, and a funny thing happened.
I struggled to feel my value.
Has that ever happened to you?
As I established a regular schedule, I recounted over and over what I just did. I said to myself, "In the past four hours, I wrote a blog post, then I finished an article for pay, and I did three loads of laundry, and I washed the dishes."
My lists were becoming litanies of self-worth.
I'm a list maker, and lists prove my accomplishments. Lately I've been furiously reviewing my lists, trying to prove to myself that I have worth.
A few months before I quit my job, I heard God whisper something like this to my heart:
"I want you to enter a season of basking in my presence."
In my spirit, I argued with God. I told him I need more income, so I need to find more work. I told him I need to cook more, clean more, and exercise more. I'm home, after all, so I need to have proof that I'm being productive. I can't just sit still and bask in his presence. I must have something to show for my hours at home!
Then on Sunday morning, I watched a video lesson from Shauna Niequist's Present Over Perfect series.
She asked a question that spoke to my heart:
What is a label someone could put on you that would devastate you, a low blow that speaks to something you hold a little too closely?
My word is lazy.
I HATE being called lazy. I HATE being accused of getting nothing done.
Why? Because for so very long, I've seen myself as having value only through my accomplishments.
I'm learning, very slowly and with much resistance, that God doesn't see me like that. He doesn't see me as worthy only when I'm making money, keeping a clean house, or producing more creative projects. He doesn't want me to seek my worth in production.
He values me simply because he created me, and he calls me his daughter. He wants me to find my worth in what he calls me: precious, chosen, and loved.
Today I'm meditating on this verse, which I hopes brings you comfort and peace as it does to me:
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.
Psalm 139:13-14 NLT
The truth God is speaking to my heart now: Even if we never produce another thing, we are all proof of God's marvelous workmanship.
I'm still going to make lists, but I'm choosing to see them as guides rather than definitions.
I'm still going to try to make my days productive, but I'm not going to measure my worth against how much I produce.
I'm going to spend time every day basking in God's presence, remembering how he sees me. I will gain greater peace from that time with him inside my busy day.
I struggled to feel my value.
Has that ever happened to you?
As I established a regular schedule, I recounted over and over what I just did. I said to myself, "In the past four hours, I wrote a blog post, then I finished an article for pay, and I did three loads of laundry, and I washed the dishes."
My lists were becoming litanies of self-worth.
I'm a list maker, and lists prove my accomplishments. Lately I've been furiously reviewing my lists, trying to prove to myself that I have worth.
A few months before I quit my job, I heard God whisper something like this to my heart:
"I want you to enter a season of basking in my presence."
In my spirit, I argued with God. I told him I need more income, so I need to find more work. I told him I need to cook more, clean more, and exercise more. I'm home, after all, so I need to have proof that I'm being productive. I can't just sit still and bask in his presence. I must have something to show for my hours at home!
Then on Sunday morning, I watched a video lesson from Shauna Niequist's Present Over Perfect series.
She asked a question that spoke to my heart:
What is a label someone could put on you that would devastate you, a low blow that speaks to something you hold a little too closely?
My word is lazy.
I HATE being called lazy. I HATE being accused of getting nothing done.
Why? Because for so very long, I've seen myself as having value only through my accomplishments.
I'm learning, very slowly and with much resistance, that God doesn't see me like that. He doesn't see me as worthy only when I'm making money, keeping a clean house, or producing more creative projects. He doesn't want me to seek my worth in production.
He values me simply because he created me, and he calls me his daughter. He wants me to find my worth in what he calls me: precious, chosen, and loved.
Today I'm meditating on this verse, which I hopes brings you comfort and peace as it does to me:
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.
Psalm 139:13-14 NLT
The truth God is speaking to my heart now: Even if we never produce another thing, we are all proof of God's marvelous workmanship.
I'm still going to make lists, but I'm choosing to see them as guides rather than definitions.
I'm still going to try to make my days productive, but I'm not going to measure my worth against how much I produce.
I'm going to spend time every day basking in God's presence, remembering how he sees me. I will gain greater peace from that time with him inside my busy day.
If
you want to share how the Holy Spirit is working in your life, please leave a comment below. You can
always share at my site if you have any trouble leaving a comment here.
If you enjoyed this post, please share on your favorite social media site using the buttons below.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Blessings and God's peace to you,
Photo from Canva.com
Reflection questions:
1. How does Shauna's question speak to your heart?
What word would insult you more than any other?
2. How have you found a healthier sense of self-worth in your
relationship with God?
Sarah this is beautifully said.
ReplyDeleteI have trouble with putting my worth on what others think of me...as in...if they were to say, "You don't care about me," or "You should stop being so introverted..." -- and this has happened, and I often times shelf who I really am so I can make others happy.
While I still want to serve and make people happy--I want to give the Spirit freedom to love on me and grow me personally, too. It has been such a journey.
Thank you for sharing yours. I loved reading this and feel like it speaks to so many of us women. Blessings to you. Prayers in the new seasons, and I hope I can hold a spot on your team when your book comes out!