I try.
I really do.
I try to get it all done every single day. But I just can't do it. I am not superwoman, as much as I would like to be. I try to do it all because I like a clean and orderly home. It makes me feel good and makes me feel like I accomplished something. But I also want desperately for my husband to walk in the door from a hard day at work and the entire house be completely and perfectly spotless, the laundry completed, all phone calls made and errands ran, dinner almost done, candles burning, his clothes out for the evening with the bathroom warm and a fresh towel dry for his shower, everything just perfect. But I just can't do it. There are just not enough hours in the day to do everything.
I am a stay at home housewife and mom. To some that translates, sits on her bum and watches talk shows all day. This would be a very wrong translation. If you are a housewife, you understand. Even though I stay at home all day, I still cannot get it all done everyday. My days at home are full to the max.
I want my husband to come home and be pleased. I want him to walk in the door and be happy with what he sees. To me, that means I have to have it all done. Yet to him, that is not what it means at all.
Yes, my husband does like a clean house. But honestly, he doesn't really care if I didn't get the dusting done today. He doesn't care if the dogs' bedding was washed today. He doesn't care if I didn't get the bedrooms vacuumed today.
What my husband does want to come home to is no yelling. If he comes in from a long day at work and the house is loud with yelling, then he is unable to relax and unwind. He also wants things picked up. It's okay with him if it isn't deep cleaned, but he likes it picked up so that he isn't tripping over shoes and toys. He doesn't care about beds being made (although I do, so this gets done everyday!) though he likes the bedrooms picked up. He also likes for the tv to be available so that he can relax and watch tv before dinner.
I still work hard to get as much as possible done, but the things he really wants done are my priority. I also try to make sure that his evening clothes are out and ready in bathroom and his favorite blanket is sitting in his chair with the remote on top. Those are not things he asks for, but things that just make him feel special and let him know I was thinking of him.
Though the dusting may not have been done, the dog beds are stinky, and the bikes are still out in the drive way, the things that make my husband walk in and feel welcome and special are done. That is my goal as his house wife.
What are the things your husband wants done each day? Maybe he wants a home-cooked meal ready, maybe he likes all of the floors clean, maybe he wants the kids playing quietly, or maybe he likes the scent of the fresh laundry. If you do not know, ask him. Ask him to list a couple of things that he sees as a priority for you to accomplish each day. Then put those at the top of your to-do list, if the rest doesn't get done, it's okay. Then add something to the list that you think will make him feel special, something to show him you love him and were thinking of him that day.
We may not be super women, but we can make our husbands feel welcome and loved in their home.
This is a reposted article from 2011.
Well said! Every guy has his priorities.
ReplyDeleteMy children are grown now and my husband and I both work outside the home. But, there are many ways I let him know that I think of him during the day. I buy his favorite things when I go to the market, I bring his pillows into the living room so he can relax on the couch and watch TV at the end of the day, I make sure to grab his favorite shirts when I am doing laundry...and he does special things for me as well. It's important to remember that if your marriage and your spouse are they most important things in your life (and they, along with your children, should be) than you should treat them as such.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of something special about stay-at-home wife. My two sons are adults now, I am here to spend more time with my husband. When my husband gets home, I make late dinner for him. He works during every night except Sunday and Monday. During the daytime, he and I enjoy sleeping so long hours, even though I usually get up at 9am. But, my husband loves sleeping so little bit long. :-) By the way, I am about to be grandmother soon. Anyway, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate. Although I had to work, I still wanted my home to be like how you described yours. Now I'm retired, I keep my home as spic and span as possible because it's important to me! But I also want to be available to my husband and make his priorities my own. He wants me to not work myself ragged so if I don't get everything done, I try to stop working and spend the evening enjoying his company.
ReplyDeleteThis is such great advice, Jennifer. I am glad you reposted it. God bless you!
ReplyDelete