After Jonah ran from God, he boarded a ship heading to Tarshish. While on this ship, he went to the lower deck and went to sleep. As he slept a storm was raging. Jonah 1:4 tells us the storm was so bad that the boat was about to be broken up. So this violent storm is threatening the very life of those on the boat, yet Jonah sleeps!
I think many of us are like this in marriage.
We go through our normal day to day life, dealing with our full calendar, working, raising babies, and everything else we need to do and we get so busy living that we don't even realized there is a storm brewing. Before we know it, our busy calendar has kept us from dating our mate in many months. Before we know it, we are so tired from work and chasing kids that we fall into bed each night and it's been weeks since we've been intimate with our husband. We are sleeping while a silent storm is going on around us. The enemy loves this kind of storm, the kind that we sleep through.
It's time we wake up! Don't be caught sleeping in your marriage while storms rage. Here are a few ways to make sure you are not sleeping.
Date your mate.
I wish I could tell you to date your husband every single week. As glorious as it sounds, the reality is not everyone can do a weekly date. But we can, and should, date. Intentionally have a date night. Do what you can. Maybe for you it's every other week, maybe once a month, maybe every 6 weeks. Maybe you and your husband would do good to sit down with a calendar and plan 10 date nights for the year. Whatever it is that works for you, do it! You and your husband desperately need time with just the 2 of you to connect without kids and without distractions.
Kiss him like you mean it.
I know how it goes. You wake up at different times. He comes home from work and you are busy. Dinner needs prepared then cleaned up. The nightly routine starts. Then bam! The whole day has passed and you haven't even kissed. Kissing is a connection that you and your husband only get with each other. Kissing brings a closeness that you both need. I'm not talking a quick peck, though those are great too! I am talking a real kiss. The kind of kiss that is going to make him think of you all day long! Be intentional {there's that word again!} about kissing your husband like you mean it every single day.
Don't skip intimacy.
Just like we talked about above with kissing, our days are packed and exhausting. We get stuck in this endless, mundane routine of life and suddenly we look back and realize it's been far too long since there has been any intimacy between you and your husband. Listen ladies, you need to understand that your husband craves intimacy with you as much as he craves respect from you. He needs it. And believe it or not, so do you. The Bible tells us that we are not to deny our mate unless you both agree and only for a time and only for the purpose of fasting and prayer {1 Cor 7}. If your busy schedule is keeping you too tired to be intimate with your husband, you need to check your priorities. Let nothing come in between you and your husband.
Go on a marriage retreat.
If your church offers a marriage retreat, go! If your church doesn't offer one, search out a marriage and family ministry that offers a retreat and find one close to you, like A Weekend to Remember, Stronger Marriage Workshops or A Love Worth Fighting For. Invest in this, no matter the cost! Just as we give our car a tune up to keep it running properly, a marriage retreat is like a marriage tune up. Now, I regularly hear people say things like, "I don't want to do a retreat because people will think we have a problem" or "We don't have any problems, so we don't need a retreat." Seriously? Look back at our tune up analogy! Just because you go to a marriage retreat, it doesn't mean there is a problem. It means you are trying to avoid there being a problem. It means you love your spouse so much that you want to connect with them and learn how to keep your marriage running properly. Stop making excuses and go!
Marriage problems don't begin overnight. You don't wake up one morning and boom, there is a problem. It's a slow fade. It's not spending time with your mate, not communicating with each other and not being intimate. Don't get caught sleeping then one day wake up and the storm is in full force ready to break up the marriage. Stay awake. Stay intentional.
Dating your mate is SO important! This isn't just for parents of young children! We are empty nesters. We don't have children at home any more which means we are always on a date, right? NO! We still have the mundane, daily life that goes on. He has his things to do, I have my things to do. We have to be intentional to continue dating each other. Someone once told me that we don't need a marriage retreat (complete with hotel and all...) but I beg to differ! No, we don't have young children at home but we still have everyday live that can cause us to drift apart IF we don't work to keep that from happening!
ReplyDeleteSo, I say date your mate from the beginning of your marriage until the day the Lord takes one of you out of this world! (I apologize for the morbidity of that statement!) Date night is a time to invest in each other outside of normal, everyday life!! It has kept my marriage of almost 41 years vibrant and sensual and we still love one another more than the day we said, "I do!"