Are You A Selfish Wife?

By: Jenifer Metzger

It is easy to become self absorbed. We think of our daily tasks, our pain, our feelings, our trials, our wants, our needs, our desires, our self. Thinking of only ourselves is easy. Natural even.

But a marriage cannot survive when one or both spouses has become selfish.

Where do wars and fights come from among

you? Do they not come from your desires for

pleasure that war in your members?

James 4:1

When one or both spouses is selfish, that is when quarrels come. Think of the last few disagreements you've had with your husband. Most likely they were centered around one or both of you having selfish desires.

Our family typically only eats out on Wednesdays and Sunday mornings as we grab something quick before church. My husband always asks what I want. I used to tell him. The past year I quit telling him what I wanted and gave him the "I don't care, you pick" answer. That makes him upset. He wants to know what I want. Finally after having a disagreement about me not answering him, I explained to him that I refuse to tell him what I want because 9 out of 10 times, he ignores my suggestions. The few places I like to eat before church, either he dislikes or they are typically slow and make us run late. So he always finds reason to not go to the place I suggest and goes where he wants, places I don't like. So why bother telling him what I want? When I look at the situation, we were both being selfish. He ignored what I wanted for what he wanted and I picked places I knew that he didn't like going to, then began to pout and tell him, not so nicely, to do what he wanted. When I think about a solution, it seems easy. Actually, it seems very easy. Why not take turns? One week he gets to pick, the next week I get to pick. Boom!

Most, though not all, disagreements in marriage can find a root in selfishness. It's time to put our selfishness aside and think of our spouses. If you are the selfish one, start giving in a little. Don't be a doormat. Don't give up who you are. But start compromising. Start thinking of your husband's daily tasks, pain, feelings, trials, wants, needs, and desires. Start thinking of him. If your husband is the selfish one, still compromise. Do a little give and take. Talk to him about areas that the two of you need to compromise and make a plan.

When both husband and wife think of each other and put each other first {after God, of course}, the marriage will begin to flow more smoothly and both partners will begin to find a beautiful peace and contentment.

Share your experiences! Are you or have you ever been a selfish wife? What areas do you and your husband need to compromise better? Leave a comment below!