It's Not What You Said....

By: Jenifer Metzger

Did you ever hear your own mother tell you, "It's not what you said, but how you said it"? If so, boy was she right! The attitude of our words have such a powerful impact.

More times than I can count, my husband has asked me what my problem was after I said something. Yet, I didn't have a problem. I wasn't angry or moody, my words were not mean or harsh. My attitude was. Either the tone of my voice was anything but kind and gentle or my body language was not that of a loving wife. The same can be said for my husband. His words may have been good, but either his tone or body language was not.

Our attitude, the tone of our voice and our body language, matters just as much as our words.

• Watch the tone of voice you use. Make sure your words are coming out calm, kind and gentle. Don't raise your voice. Through text messaging and social media it is impossible to hear the tone of voice someone is using. I believe this is the number one cause of so much drama through social media. This is also the reason I use a lot of smiley faces when I text or post something. Just as we add smiles, hearts and lols to our texts and posts, use that same concept when speaking and smile! It's hard to sound harsh when you are smiling.
• Watch your body language as you speak. In our children's church, we have a little girl who always looks angry. She always looks as though she has the world's biggest attitude, even when she doesn't. Why? Because of the way she stands. Are you standing with hip cocked to the side, arms crossed? Do you roll your eyes as you speak or listen to your husband? When you speak and listen to your husband, make eye contact, relax your body, and open your heart and mind up.

Remember, it's not what we say, but how we say it. Keep your attitude in check as you communicate with your husband.