Have A Plan In Place

Recently I have personally talked with several women who struggle with anger in the midst of conflict with their mate. I also know of men who struggle with the same. They desire to 'fight fair' and resolve conflict in a calm and Godly way. But they are still struggling with the anger. Sometimes when we get into such a heated discussion, we don't even realize how heated it's gotten or how critical it has become.

We need to have a plan in place before we get to this point. Having a plan in place will keep us from this critical point and will help us learn to fight fair.

So how do we put a plan in place?

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• Pray. Ask God to guide you. Ask Him to help you control your own words, actions and emotions.
• Talk to your spouse. Do not do this in the middle of a disagreement. Instead go to your husband when you are both in a good mood and relaxed.
• Pick a place. Decide on separate places you will each go when things get tough. Maybe you go for a walk and he stays home. Or maybe he goes to the garage while you stay in the bedroom. My husband goes for a drive and I stay home, this is our plan. Set a place that you each go to calm down and pray.
• While apart, pray. While you are in your separate places, take a deep breath, pray and read your Bible. It would be a good idea to keep a Bible in your separate places. Do not use this time to dwell on the problem or talk to your girlfriend about how awful your husband is. Simply take some time with God. Ask Him to reveal to you where you are wrong and to make your heart open and soft toward your husband.
• Decide ahead of time how long you will stay apart. Maybe you can take thirty minutes or an hour or maybe even two hours. Give each of you enough time to calm down and be with God. This time frame may not work every single time. When it doesn't, be patient and offer grace. If your husband comes back to you before you are ready, simply say "may I please have some more time?"
• Come together with gentleness. When you come back together calmly discuss the issue. Don't blame. Give each other time to talk and really listen to what each other is saying.
• Pray together. Prayer bonds a couple and prayer is powerful. Hold hands and pray together.

I encourage you to put a plan into place. Getting angry and saying words we later regret, throwing things, screaming, these things do not help our marriage. Instead they hurt it. Make a plan that will ultimately help your marriage and bring you and your mate closer together.

*Next week we will discuss what fighting fair really means.